MommyTLC

Last night we had the opportunity to experience the circus. Not only was it a first for my 2 yr old daughter, it was also a first for me. We loved every minute of it! Although the acts were entertaining, I still found myself constantly watching the reaction of my daughter, waiting for her laughter. I cheered when she cheered, I clapped when she clapped. Her emotions were my emotions.

When I really think about it, most of my time spent with her is like this. It no longer matters to me how much I'm enjoying something. I measure my enjoyment by my daughter. If she's having the time of her life at a circus that I might have thought of as so-so had I come here with a group of girlfriends or on a date with my husband, but she loved it and therefore, so did I.

Being able to watch her face light up at the sight of something amazing, something she's never seen before, and being able to share in the joy, that to me is what a mother lives for. To she her child enjoy life, watch the light sparkle in their little eyes in pure joy. There's simply no greater joy than seeing your child happy.

I have lived life through my own eyes and it was fun, but for now, I'm happy to live life through the eyes of my child.

If you're not familiar with the term "mamavism", don't fret.  I wasn't either until this morning.  Apparently it's an anagram for mothering and activism.  After reading a post from fellow mom blogger, Becoming SuperMommy, featuring mommy activist, Jen - The Evolving Homemaker.  In this post, Jen shares her role as an activist to help the women of Congo (a very tragic story and one that all women should be aware of).  Although being a crusader for women's rights is a very noble cause, she came to realize that there was something more important and more close to home for her to focus on, her family.  It wasn't that she was being a bad mom by being an activist, but she felt that she was so wrapped up in a situation that was taking place thousands of miles away while right there in her home her family needed her more.  Now, she's focusing her time and energy in educating her children, living locally and learning new skills "which will change the face of our national culture away from blind consumption to teaching a generation that will probably need to return a bit to the earth for the survival of humanity."

I was doing a little blog hopping this afternoon and came across this one post by Loving Earth Mama about the 10 things she thought she knew about motherhood.  Her post got me thinking about the things I thought I had figured out before I became a mom.  My frame of mind pre-baby:

1. Motherhood would be a snap!  I nannied for years and I was totally ready for kids.  I knew all I needed to know about being a mom from my nannying experiences.
2. I wouldn't be one of those moms who "freak out" at their kids in the supermarket.
3. Moms who let their baby "cry it out" were just plan WRONG!  I wasn't going to be like that.
4. I can do it all, be a mom, have a career, and still be a social butterfly.
5. My relationship with husband would stay the same.  We've been through it all and nothing could pose a challenge for us.
6. Breastfeeding would be easy as pie.  I didn't get why some women had such a hard time.
7. I would never be one of those moms who left their needs by the wayside.  I'd always make sure that baby and I were always presentable.
8. I'd still be able to get plenty of rest after baby came and all those nay sayers who keep telling me to "rest now, you won't get to once baby comes along" don't know me what I'm capable of.
9. I can handle anything that comes my way and I didn't need anyone's help.
10. My life would stay the same, just with a baby.

My frame of mind post baby:

1. I don't know jack squat!  All of a sudden I'm responsible for the life of this little person.  And being a mom is a full-time gig, there's no breaks and no real-time outs for mom.  Yes, I had plenty of experience with children but they were never my children and that changes the scope on everything.  You follow other people's rules when it comes to nannying, but you have to come up with the game plan when you're a parent.  If you screw up, it's on you baby!  When it comes to motherhood and parenting, I'm learning as I go.  I now understand why my parents always said I was their "guinea pig".  It's a learning process and unfortunately, the first child is usually the one parents experiment on.  To my baby, I have to say: Sorry honey, I'm trying my best!
2. Although I love my child with all my heart, sometimes I just lose it and sometimes in the most embarrassing places.  You can't help it when you're just at your wit's end and your child does something that just breaks the camel's back.  I would never lay a hand on my child, but I can be a little harsh with my words and lose my temper.  I don't mean to and I don't do it intentionally, but you mother's out there know what I'm talking about.  Sometimes you simply can't help it!
3. I tried at the beginning to not let my baby cry it out and would rush to her crib or bassinet the instant she made a peep.  I'm not saying that my daughter is a cry baby now, but I've learned my lesson that letting them cry it out is a good thing.  Teaches them to self sooth and, later on it teaches them that they can't have everything they want.  This is a good technique and it will most definitely be used the next time around.
4. I can't do it all, not all the time.  Sometimes I can do a lot, but something always falls through the cracks.  I'm not super mom and I've learned to accept that.  It doesn't mean, though, that I've thrown in the towel and have accepted defeat.  I'm still striving to do my best at everything, but I've learned to accept that sometimes, not everything will get done and get over it.
5. Although my husband and I love each other very much, having a child has put a bit of a strain in our relationship.  It's not my daughter's fault by any means, but making time for us has been more difficult.  It's a work in progress and it's something that needs to be worked at.  Keeping that spark in the relationship is something that you'll have to put effort into and more time for.  Don't just let your relationship fall to the way side and think you can pick things back up at a later time when the kids are older.  This is something we're still working on and will continue to work on for the rest of our lives.
6. Some women have it easy when it comes to breast-feeding and some just don't!  I was one of the one's who didn't.  It took time and practice and lots of help.  One of the nurses had me a the brink of giving up and thankfully I was strong enough to tell her to leave.  Thankfully, the next nurse to come help me was much more patient and can help me learn.  It wasn't easy, but with time and practice I was able to get the hang of it.
7. Finding time to do my hair, makeup and sometimes even getting out of my pj's at the beginning was sometime near impossible!  Even two years later, I sometimes struggle to get myself properly dress.  I now understand why moms put their needs aside, because the need of their child and their family will always come before their own.  I willingly put my family's needs far above my own and sometimes fulfilling these needs means I just don't have the time to take care of myself.
8. I'm so sorry for doubting anyone who told me to rest while I could, I was just plain old WRONG when it came to this!
9. When it comes to motherhood, I'm pretty much clueless and am learning things as I go.  I've learned to rely on fellow moms for advice and support.  After my daughter was born I found out how little I truly knew about what it takes to be a good mom.  It was hard to ask at the beginning, but now I welcome it so if you have advice to share, please do!
10. My life has changed in so many ways it's hard to keep track.  My old life, though it was only a little over 2 years ago, seems more like a distant memory.  There's no more staying out late, coming and going when I please, etc.  Now things need to be planned out because just getting out the door is an hour ordeal.

Motherhood has changed my life in more ways that I ever imagined.  It's opened my eyes and made me realize that there's still so much for me to learn and figure out.  I don't have the answers to everything and when it comes to raising a child, I'll take all the help I can get.  Becoming a mom has been the greatest blessing of my life and I am so lucky to have such a wonderful, spunky and outgoing little girl.  She has taught me to be more humble and I'm grateful for every moment and experience I get to share with her.  My life is definitely more enriched and fulfilled with her in it.



Photo courtesy of SheKnows.com

I'm dying here, people! Not literally, but figuratively. How the heck is it possible to have 4 cameras in the house and only one of them is working? Of course, the one that actually does work is on my husband's iPhone and is not around when I need it! I mean, COME ON NOW! Our cameras are only a couple of years old, yet neither will hold a batter charge and one won't even turn on when I put fresh batteries in. Then there's my iPhone, which I can't live without - partially because of its handy dandy camera - that at the moment is frozen and has been like this for the past few months. I know, I need to get that checked out, but apparently it's not a software problem according to the Apple Tech I spoke to on the phone. It appears to be a hardware problem meaning I need to get a new phone. Thankfully, mine is still under warranty so I shouldn't have to pay for the replacement, but still!

I could just about scream right now. AHHHHH!!!! A little dramatic? Probably, but you have to understand! I'm missing priceless moments here, people! Milestones and silliness that I'll never be able to capture again. I'm now relying on my webcam to take still shots, but that's not very much help. If you've used a webcam before, you'll know what I mean. The picture quality isn't the greatest and there's a little lag time that mostly means I end up missing the moment anyways unless by some miracle I can get my toddler to sit still for 3 seconds. Something's gotta be done ASAP, like yesterday!

How is any mom supposed to work under these conditions? One of the joys of being a mom is capturing those little moments when your child does something new, experiences something for the first time, or does something that's outright silly. I hate missing out on this. I finally realized how much I've been missing out on when I was going over recent pictures. The last time I really took any pictures of my daughter was on her birthday, and they were very few. Thankfully, my husband has been taking some pictures here and there when he's around, but that's limited too. After looking at the photos from January and one we took just this past week at Hershey Park, I was astonished at how much she's changed in what seems like such a short period of time. She's such a little lady now and with a spunky personality to boot. I feel like kicking myself for allowing so much time to go by and letting so many precious moments slip through my fingers. BAD MOMMY!

There's only one thing left to do, get my stinking iPhone fixed, repaired, replaced, WHATEVER! It just needs to work again.