Friday, January 14, 2011
When it comes to my work, I'm always on my "A" game, but what I consider my "wifely" duties... let's just say this pictures is a pretty accurate description of how I feel.  When I'm at work I have complete control of everything.  My files are always neatly placed, my desk has order to it and I'm on top of every aspect of my work.  My home life, that's a whole other ball park.  For some reason, the moment I walk through that door all order and organization skills diminishes.  I can attribute this to three things- 1) I have a toddler who loves to play and make a mess, but that's expected at that age. 2) My husband, a former chef who is accustom to having someone else clean up after his mess and still thinks that I will follow him around the house picking up any dish, cup, trash, clothes, etc. that he leaves behind. 3) After working 40+ hours a week, I don't always have it in me to fight the uphill battle of trying to keep up with my toddler and husband and would rather just plop myself down on the couch and give in to the inevitable disorder that my house will become whether I clean it or not.

With that said, do I want to have a nice, clean, orderly house?  ABSOLUTELY!  I don't want to live in a mess, have to climb over things or make a walking path from one point to another.  Granted, that's not the situation we're living in (with the exception of a few stray boxes that still haven't been put away from the move), but i can sometimes be if I go too long without picking up after my "kids" (yes, hubby does get included in this since at times I feel like he needs so much taking care of that it's like having another child, just fully grown and 100% dependent on me).  Please, don't get me wrong, my husband is phenomenal and the hardest working guy I know.  He puts in more hours at work than I do and has to deal with more chaos in a day that I do in a week, but when it comes to our home life, he's not always as helpful as I'd like him to be.  If it were the other way around and I worked as much as he did and dealt with all the crap that he has to deal with, I'd expect him to take the load at home and I'm perfectly fine with that, but a little help would be nice!  Enough nagging on my end, my husband is great and I love him, flaws and all!

I've spent a lot of time talking about resolutions lately and I guess with it still being January and the new year still fresh on my mind, I can't help but want to make so many improvements in my life.  When I look at my mom, I see a woman who does it all.  Her house is always in perfect order even with 3 teenage kids and a grandchild running around, she still manages to have a perfect house.  There isn't a time when you walk into her home and the place isn't perfect.  Like me, she didn't know how to cook until after getting married and moving out on their own and now makes such delicious food.  In my eyes, she's the perfect mom and what I aspire to be.

I want to have an organized home.  I want to be able to cook.  I want to look my best not only for my husband or anyone else, but for myself.  I want to do it all, have it all and with a little work I think I can.  This year my resolution is to improve myself and be a better me.  I want to be a better mom, wife and homemaker.  I've already started working on my cooking skills by taking a new recipe a day and testing and expanding my culinary skills.  So what's next?  Mission:Organization!  This weekend we're hosting a birthday party for our daughter at our new house! Yikes, I have so much work to do.  I need to finish getting my house organized before the party.  This is actually a good thing, although I'm now feeling a bit rushed and out of time since I still have so much work to get done along with my other responsibilities like work and taking care of a child who demands constant attention.  But I'm good under pressure, I thrive under pressure!  And having an absolute deadline that can't be moved is one of the greatest things for me.  I can't procrastinate and weasel my way out of this, I have 50 people coming over in less that 3 days and no time to spare.  Add to that having to make the birthday cake, and you can say I'm definitely feeling the pressure.

As for the cake, I'm not really too worried.  As I said in my previous post, I'm pretty decent at baking, it's cooking I struggle with.  With cooking, it's more of an art- a little bit of this and some of that... things don't have to be measured exactly.  But baking is a whole other story.  Baking requires exact measurements and is more of a science.  A cake requires a certain amount of each ingredient.  Add too much or too little of one thing and you can end up with a cake that's too dry or too gooey.  I'm good with exact measurements and I'm good enough to know that when it's humid out (like it most often is in Philadelphia) you don't need to add as much water as the recipe requires because of all the moisture in the air!

I hate to admit this but I feel like my house is a reflection of me, a little disheveled and not very well put together.  I spend so much of my energy trying to make my daughter look her best and make sure my husband's clothes are clean and neatly pressed, but when it comes to me, I let myself go just like I let my house go.  My family is very important to me, but I tend to leave myself to the wayside and as I'm writing this, it's dawned on me... I'm always the one cleaning up everyone else's mess, but when it comes to doing something for myself (cleaning MY house, a house I've wanted for so long, or doing my hair/nails/makeup, things for me), I put that on the back burner because I just don't have the energy for it.  That's got to stop.  If you think about it, the mother really is the face of the family. Mother's are the glue to a family, the ones that keep everything together.  Shouldn't we do things for ourselves too, things that make us feel good which in turn makes everyone else happy?  Haven't you noticed that when you're in a good mood, you're whole family is in a good mood?  And when it's just not your day your whole family seems to suffer too?  Maybe that's why my life seems to be in such disarray.  I'm not happy with me and in turn my entire family suffers for it.  I dont' mean suffer in a horrible, life's coming to an end kind of way, but you can tell the mood is different.  I hope that make sense!

Now more than ever I want to improve me, make myself happy so my family can be happy.  I know my husband loves coming home to a home cooked meal, and I did enjoy cooking yesterday although it was a little nerve wrecking and I did cry for a few different reasons.  My daughter would benefit from having a clean home where she can play and I wouldn't worry about that toy that she picked up off the floor and is about to put in her mouth.  And I would love to see my husband's face when we're together and rather than being in sweats and a tee and having my hair pulled back in a pony tail, to have him see his wife the way I was a few years ago, my hair nicely set, a little makeup (some mascara and lip gloss, never really liked to cake on too much) and a cute outfit that didn't have stains or holes in it.

I know there's a lot of work to be done and all of it depends on me and only me, but I'm willing to put in the time and effort because in the end I feel my entire family will benefit from my changes.  I would do anything for my family, but this I'm doing more for me because when they're happy, I'm happy and if I'm happy, then so are they.  It's a never ending circle and I want to keep a positive momentum.  The circle starts and ends with me.


Heidi said...

There is always room for improvement in our lives, but you really are an amazing do it all woman! Who cares about the house having things out of place... you can clean it when you are done building fond family memories! I appreciate all that you do to help women connect! Hugs friend:)

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